because no matter how good I’ll look, how smart I’ll get, how driven I am, how hard I work, or all the things I can create, it will fall by the wayside and I will lose. I feel like i have no options, everything I do is something I do, something I am forcing to happen, no one is ever forcing me. Nothing seems organic to me. Even if i could force a new option it would just be me connecting all the points on the map. The map never goes uncharted. Nothing surprises me, nothing completes me.
- i'm feeling pretty low right now.
- You know. For the first time in my life I'm free of my past, I have a direction and I've sorted my head. And I feel like I might be ready for a real relationship. Because I'm bored of just fucking. So bored. But I can't connect, and I don't meet people I like. So in that part of my life I feel like I've hit a dead end street. And it just bumming me out. Like I had something, I tried to do it right and it evaporated like water on a car hood. I'm so sick of being so unmentaly stimulated. I feel hollow.
Honestly? She hasn’t spoken to me in three weeks. She obviously doesn’t care. So I don’t know. I’d take that as an I’m done. But maybe I’m wrong.
LOL at the Clint Eastwood reaction. Why do you even put up with those lustful cockmonster anons?
Because I like being an asshole I find it amusing.